So it’s been almost two weeks since my last post, and I am SO sorry for my absence. So I’m here today with an explanation, and a rather enormous picture of my face for you guys.
In case you’re not interested in my life or why I’ve been a bit of a crappy blogger (which is fair enough) I will fill you in on what I’ve got on my face first.
I’ve been really loving wearing the Maybelline Color Tattoo in ‘on and on bronze’ lately. I mentioned in my haul video how I’ve been trying to track it down for ages, and now that I’ve finally got it I’m so happy with it. I find it is best to apply the Color Tattoos with a brush, as blending can be a bit touch and go with my fingers, but they are perfect for a wash of colour with no fuss, and this colour is pretty flattering with my blue eyes. On my lips I have my beloved Carmex Moisture Plus (the pink one) and I’m wearing the Maybelline Dream Touch Blush in 06 on my cheeks.
Now, onto the reason for my rather lengthy absence. I have always said that I will only ever blog when my heart is in it, and I 100% stick to that. Lately, although my heart very much has been in it, and I’ve actually had loads of ideas for posts and videos (some of which I’ve filmed and just need editing), keeping up with my blog and my full time job has just become harder and harder. It got to the point where I nearly had a little breakdown about how pathetic I feel not being able to cope when other people manage just fine. I was just feeling so exhausted after every day of work that I didn’t really want to do anything, and even simple household tasks like doing my laundry felt impossible. I knew I wasn’t depressed, so that wasn’t it, but I just had no idea why I couldn’t just get on with it like everyone else. I decided that it was important that I don’t push myself to keep up with blogging every day, however much I want to, and just take some time to rest after work instead.
I ended up getting pretty sick with a viral infection, and spent two weeks in bed, but when my symptoms eventually cleared up, I realised that I still felt just as crappy, and had done before I got the virus too. In fact, I’ve had a sore throat for as long as I can remember (we’re literally talking High School here) and I’ve always had difficulty sleeping, or waking up feeling refreshed once I have been to sleep. I literally need about 12 hours sleep to feel ‘awake’ and even then I’m forever yawning and physical activity will wear me right out to the point of needing a nap. I’ve had several 9-5 jobs before, but always struggled to drag myself out of bed and then stay awake all day. My first ‘proper full time job’, I actually used to nod off at my desk on a pretty much daily basis. Super professional. I always manage okay at first, but a few months in start to struggle and eventually my performance slips and I start to dread having to go to work.
With all this in mind, I finally sucked it up and went to see a doctor about it. I’d been putting off doing so for literally years because I thought they either wouldn’t listen, or would try to stick me on antidepressants when I know I’m not depressed. I was really lucky though, and I got to see a really great doctor who listened to everything I had to say, and chatted about my symptoms properly with me. It wasn’t all about my tiredness, I also have real trouble concentrating, remembering things, get dizzy all the time, as well as muscle and joint pains, and all sorts that I won’t bore you with in any great detail. I had to wait for over an hour in the waiting room before I got to see her, and everybody else waiting was complaining as loudly as they could, but I was just sat there reading my kindle, feeling excited because the fact she was running so behind indicated that she spends proper time with her patients, and doesn’t just shove them out the door after ten minutes. I was right, and she was absolutely brilliant, I couldn’t have asked for a better consultation.
She diagnosed me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME which you can read more about here and suddenly everything made sense. It was a huge relief to find out that there is a name for how I’m feeling, and it’s a condition that is recognised and I am able to get support for. Sadly there is no ‘cure’ for this, but I am being referred to a specialist, and hopefully that will be really helpful in learning how to live with it. I’m also really happy that I don’t need to keep quiet anymore about how I’m feeling, because for a long time I felt pathetic mentioning how tired I am, or how crap I felt, because I just sounded like I was moaning for no real reason. There are still going to be people who refuse to understand, but maybe those people don’t really have any place in my life. At least now I can point those who do in the right direction to read about my condition.
In terms of blogging, this doesn’t mean that I am going to be giving up at all, I absolutely love blogging, and I plan to stick with you guys for as long as you’ll have me, but I just won’t be pushing myself to keep a schedule anymore as I really can’t plan ahead when it comes to working around my good and bad patches. Hopefully nobody noticed my absence anyway, and if you did I hope you can forgive me. I’m glad I’ve had my little break, but I’m not going anywhere. I also hope that if anybody reading this has been having the same symptoms as me but not known why that this might have helped you, because I wish that I’d gone and got myself diagnosed years ago. I highly recommend that you do too if you are feeling like that because it’s no fun suffering in silence, and I’m really excited at the prospect of getting some help with my condition.